Many people think they’re stuck with their mindset—that they’re just negative or have a “glass-half-empty” way of thinking. They feel like there’s nothing they can do about it. But that’s not true! You can change your mindset, and when you do, you unlock a whole world of possibilities.
Have you ever met those people who seem to smile all the time? They radiate positivity and look like they have everything together. They say things like:
- Stay positive
- Better days are coming
- Relax
- Go with the flow
- Don’t worry, be happy (the classic one)
When I was growing up, I’d see people like this and think, “How do they do it?” They’d always be smiling, like nothing ever bothered them. They had all these inspirational sayings. And honestly, all I wanted to do was roll my eyes. No matter how many self-help books I read, courses I took, or groups I joined, I just couldn’t get myself to feel positive and smile all the time.
I’d repeat those quotes, mantras, and affirmations, but still felt depressed, anxious, and stressed. I thought something was wrong with me because I couldn’t just spin around and dance while saying happy things like Mary Poppins. I just didn’t have it in me.
So, when I was living in Australia and dealing with some issues, I decided to see an alternative medicine doctor. She did all the tests, listened to me, and then said, “You’re perfectly healthy, but how you talk to yourself is killing you.”
I couldn’t believe it. I had never heard a doctor say something like that. It was like she could see right through me—the good and the bad. And it changed everything for me.
I’ll always be grateful to her for pointing out that I was really hard on myself. She gave me one of the best pieces of advice ever. She told me to see an NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) practitioner, so I found a local coach and started having sessions with her. This coach helped me realize how mean I was to myself in my thoughts and words, and it blew my mind.
After a few sessions with my NLP coach, I felt amazing. I couldn’t get enough of it, so I signed up for her mentor’s training. And that’s when everything started to change.
I’ve been on the most incredible coaching journey since then. I discovered a unique way to create a positive mindset by changing how I think and speak about myself. And it made a huge difference—not just for me, but for the people around me.
I want to do the same for you, so I’m going to share one of the most important lessons from my journey and all the work I’ve done with my coaches and clients. It’s all about self-talk.
Change Your Mindset and Be More Positive: Self-Talk
You might not even realize it, but you have self-talk—it’s all that chatter going on in your head. Those thoughts about yourself, what’s happening around you, and what’s going on in your life. Most of the time, this happens without you even noticing, and it can go on all day. If you don’t catch it, it can mess with your mood and energy.
Your self-talk is powerful. It can either lift you up or bring you down. The good news is, once you learn how to have more positive self-talk, you’ll be able to switch it on and feel better more often.
Sure, I can still have negative thoughts now and then, and it can make me feel bad. But the difference is, I now know I have the power to choose. I can either let those negative thoughts take over, or I can stop them in their tracks and replace them with positive self-talk.
So, I ask you—have you ever really listened to how you talk to yourself?
Are you cheering yourself on, or are you being hard on yourself?
If you haven’t paid attention to this before, try this simple exercise. It will stop you in your tracks and make you think!
Self Awareness
One way to become more aware of your self-talk is to start paying attention to it. If it feels a bit weird at first or you think you’re being silly for doing this, don’t worry—you’re not alone! I’ve done this myself, and so have my clients. It’s really empowering, and it can change everything for you.
The problem is, if you’re not aware of these thoughts and let them run through your head, they can make you feel bad, drained, and even affect your health. So, it’s better to catch these negative thoughts early, rather than letting them drag you down. I want to help you feel better about yourself, inside and out.
1 – Figure It Out
To start improving your self-talk, the first step is to figure out what it actually is. Grab a journal, notebook, or even your phone, and throughout the day—especially when you’re feeling rushed, stressed, or frustrated—take note of what’s going on in your mind.
You might catch yourself thinking things like:
- “Darn it, I’m stupid.”
- “I messed up.”
- “I’m not good enough.”
- “I’m never going to make it.”
- “I won’t get there on time.”
- “I’m an idiot.”
You’ve probably said things like this to yourself before, maybe even adding some strong language, like I did growing up in Jersey.
2 – Write It Down
When you catch these thoughts, jot them down. Then, at the end of the day, look over what you wrote. Pay attention to how each thought makes you feel.
How does it sit with you?
You might notice tightness or discomfort in your body—maybe a stomach ache or just a sense that something feels off. Write those feelings down, too. The more aware you become of your thoughts and how they affect you, the better you can help yourself.
3 – Cross Negative Thoughts Off Your List
Now that you’ve broken down how each thought makes you feel and where you feel it in your body, you have the power to change those thoughts. Look at the negative ones and start crossing them out.
Replace them with more positive, empowering statements that lift you up. For example, if you catch yourself thinking, “I’m not good enough,” change it to something like, “I’m doing my best, and I’m learning and growing every day.”
By shifting your self-talk in this way, you’ll feel more positive and empowered. It’s way more uplifting than staying stuck in the negative.
Also Read: How do I Stay Consistent with Positive Thinking?
Embrace Your Feelings
The awesome thing is, as an adult, you have the power to choose your thoughts and words. You can decide to feel better about yourself and set yourself up for success. You don’t have to keep sabotaging yourself or holding yourself back. As my clients often tell me, they tend to get in their own way. But the best part about this exercise is that you can use what Tony Robbins calls “incantations” to shift your mindset.
Like I’ve mentioned before, a lot of those positive quotes and affirmations didn’t work for me because they didn’t feel real. I didn’t truly believe them or connect with them. But Tony Robbins teaches us how to create our own empowering phrases—ones that are personal to us. When you say them, you feel energized and excited. I even do mine by jumping up and down, skipping around the house, feeling totally empowered.
These phrases work because I created them—they come from me. It’s a lot more powerful than the sayings you might have heard growing up from adults or people around you. Now, as an adult, you get to choose to let go of those old, limiting beliefs and replace them with your own positive, empowering self-talk.